Online Companion: The Complete Student, Achieving Success in College and Beyond

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Chapter 10: Works and Plays Well with Others

Social Anxiety

Being introverted is one thing; being painfully shy is quite another. Shyness is a handicap that afflicts millions of Americans. In fact, studies have shown that nearly 50 percent of the adult population in the United States is believed to be shy, and public speaking is the nation's number one phobia.

Interestingly enough, some of the most famous people in the world and throughout history have identified shyness as a personal problem they've had to grapple with. We're talking about such individuals as Abraham Lincoln, Eleanor Roosevelt, Albert Einstein, Lucille Ball, Elvis Presley, Bob Dylan, Brad Pitt, Cher, Harrison Ford, Jim Carrey, Julia Roberts, Tom Cruise…the list goes on.

Ask yourself the questions below to determine if shyness is a problem for you. If it is, check out the resources in the Web Links section of this chapter for ideas about getting help with this problem.

How Shy Are You?

Yes No Do you feel self-conscious in social situations?
Yes No Do you doubt your ability to interact with others?
Yes No Can certain situations-a party where you don't know anyone; a job interview-actually make you physically ill?
Yes No Do you think up excuses or even lie to avoid social situations that worry you?
Yes No Does giving a report in front of the class feel like torture?

If you've answered "Yes" to a fair share of the above, then your ability to enjoy the world around you may be seriously impaired. Don't allow that to happen. Social anxiety is hardly unique to you, and there are behavior modification techniques that are easy to learn and that can make a world of difference.

Reflections on Shyness
Take a few moments to write down your feelings regarding the way you interact with the world. Do you see yourself as more of an extrovert or an introvert? No matter which orientation you favor, jot down some aspects of that orientation that you feel are positive…or that you feel at least have the potential for being positive. Now think about some of the aspects that you experience as being negative or counterproductive. What are some ways that you can see to overcome these counterproductive aspects?

Getting Involved

College is unlike any time you will experience in your life because of the sheer number of activities and organizations available to you as a student. Getting out and exploring other places besides the dorms and classes can be fun. Doing this can also bring you some rewarding relationships, because the key to meeting people at college is getting involved.

On Campus
During the Day
The Quad, also known as the Commons, and other names, is a nice outdoor place to gather, play Frisbee, or take a snooze between classes.
At Night
Coffee shops, game rooms, and pool halls are just some of the amenities many college campuses provide. If your campus doesn't have any, chances are you will find something else, or something similar nearby.
Special Events
Your school may have a fantastic sports team, movie night, or concert series. Getting out to these events can be a great place to bond with other students and create fun memories.

Clubs
Clubs are one of the many unique and enjoyable opportunities college provides. Not only do they offer people the opportunity to mingle with and get to know one another, but they can be informative and fun. Clubs and organizations are a gold mine for the successful college student, so use them! If you have an interest, there is a club-or room to start one.
Some Options
Political clubs
Outdoor activities
Business clubs
Religious groups
Art clubs
Media groups

Intramural Sports
Another terrific way to get to know people is by playing intramural sports. The great thing about these teams is that these are just for fun so you don't have to be a star athlete to play. Because they are for fun, intramural sports teams don't require the hours of practice other sports can, so they time you spend playing is purely recreational. Intramural sports are a great way to get some exercise and at the same time have fun hanging out with your friends.
Some Options
Flag football
Soccer
Basketball
Lacrosse
Ultimate Frisbee
Tennis
Volleyball
Rugby
Softball
Golf
Water polo

Student Government
Student government organizations are the perfect fit for a student who wants to practice leadership, decision making, meeting new people, and gaining great experience for any post-college field.
Creating a platform can be a fun way to learn about accomplishing an objective. If there is a hot-button situation at your school, here is your chance to strike out and attempt to do something about it.
Running a successful campaign and achieving your objectives can be a tremendous confidence builder, and you will help other students along the way. The people skills you will develop doing this will be second to none. And, you will be sure to improve these skills, too:
Personal interaction skills
Public speaking skills
Interviewing skills for everything from jobs to graduate admissions

From Ahead of the Pack by Josh Richardson. Copyright © 2006 Thomson Delmar Learning, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. All rights reserved.

Giving Feedback

While receiving feedback can be difficult, the act of giving feedback is no picnic either. It can be truly challenging to provide another person with feedback in a way that feels good to both parties. When giving feedback, keep these pointers in mind:

Ask first. Unless you're in a tightly scripted classroom situation where the other party knows that you're going to be offering feedback, you should first ask the other person if it's all right to offer input on what he or she has done. If the person says no, then back off.
When giving criticism and feedback, focus in on what the other person can realistically change. If, for instance, you're giving feedback on an oral report that is being presented by another student, and if that student has a heavy foreign accent, it won't do a bit of good to say, "I couldn't understand a word of it because of your accent."
Try to be as specific as you can with your feedback. If you're evaluating someone's dramatic performance, for instance, you might say something like, "I felt you were a little reluctant to go with the farcical elements of the script in the beginning." That's a lot different than just saying, "You weren't funny."
Solicit a self-critique from the other person. Asking something like, "How did you feel about the job you did here?' can be a much more fruitful and less painful way to initiate dialogue.

Food for Thought: Feedback
Think about a time when you received unsolicited feedback and how it made you feel. Think about times when you were given both positive and negative feedback and what you did with the information.

Controlling Anger and Resolving Conflict

Anger, the result of unresolved conflict, is a powerful emotion. You can minimize the destructiveness of anger by trying to control it. There are several approaches you can take.

Controlling Anger
Don't say or do anything immediately. It's usually best to cool off and give yourself a chance to think. Counting to 10 may help.

Figure out why you are angry. Sometimes the cause of the anger is something you can easily change or avoid.
Channel your anger into physical exercise. Even a walk can relieve the tensions of anger.
Use relaxation techniques such as deep breathing to calm yourself.
Find a friend who will listen and offer constructive suggestions.

Resolving Conflicts
Once your anger is under control, you can try to resolve the conflict that caused it. The energy created by your anger can be channeled into solving the problem. Here are a few suggestions. Commit yourself to resolving the problem that caused the conflict. Don't just decide to keep the peace.

Ask yourself what you hope to achieve by resolving the conflict. Is it critical to get your way, or is your relationship with the other person more important? Your priorities will influence how you settle the conflict.

Make sure you and the other person have the same understanding of the reason for the conflict. Ask questions and really listen. You may be surprised: Some conflicts are the result of misunderstanding.

Be assertive, not aggressive. Remember that the other person has rights and feelings, too. Try to keep to the facts. When discussing the issue, make sure you understand the difference between facts and feelings. The more you can keep feelings out of it, the better your chance for resolving conflict.

At first you may find it difficult to control your anger and to approach conflicts in a more thoughtful, rational way. With practice, you will become more comfortable in dealing with conflict. You may find that effectively resolving conflict is a way to learn more about yourself and to grow, as well as to improve the quality of your relationships with the people around you.

From Reaching Your Potential: Personal and Professional Development, 3rd edition by Robert K. Throop and Marion B. Castellucci. Copyright © 2004 Thomson Delmar Learning, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. All rights reserved.

Eight Keys to Employability

The person who possesses these personal skills has eight keys to employability.

  1. People with Personal Values
    • Are honest
    • Have good self-esteem and a positive self-image
    • Have personal and career goals
    • Demonstrate emotional stability
    • Exhibit a good attitude
    • Are self-motivated
    • Do not limit themselves
  2. People with Problem-Solving and Decision-Making Skills
    • Are flexible
    • Are creative and innovative
    • Can adapt to changing demands of a job
    • Can plan and organize work
    • Can reason and make objective judgments
    • Keep their minds on several parts of a job at a time
  3. People Who Relate Well to Other People
    • Work well with peers
    • Accept authority and supervision
    • Accept constructive criticism
    • Are team workers
    • Are friendly
    • Are consistent in their relations with people
    • Are cooperative
    • Accept assignments pleasantly
    • Are tactful
    • Accept all types of people
    • Respect the rights and property of other people
    • Have leadership qualities
  4. People with Communication Skills
    • Ask questions
    • Seek help when needed
    • Notify supervisors of absences and the reasons for absences
    • Clearly express themselves orally
    • Listen well
  5. People with Task-Related Skills
    • Work neatly and complete work on time
    • Can follow oral, visual, written, and multistep directions
    • Are not distracting or distractible
    • Stick with a task and keep busy
    • Are precise and meticulous
    • Care for tools and materials
    • Are accurate
    • Constantly improve their performance
  6. People with Good Health and Safety Habits
    • Observe safety rules
    • Maintain a good work pace and production rate
    • Practice good personal hygiene
    • Dress appropriately and are well groomed
    • Perform well under stress and tension
    • Have appropriate physical stamina and tolerance for the kind of work they are doing
    • Are in good health
  7. People with Maturity
    • Work well without supervision
    • Are reliable and dependable
    • Accept responsibility
    • Don't let their personal problems interfere with their work
    • Are willing to perform extra work and work overtime
    • Are always prepared for work
    • Show pride in their work
    • Show initiative
    • Remain calm and self-controlled
    • Accept responsibility for their own behavior
    • Demonstrate maturity in thoughts, actions, and deeds
    • Evaluate their own work
    • Are patient
    • Use time wisely
    • Are assertive when necessary
    • Show self-confidence
  8. People Who Are Committed to a Job
    • Are punctual and have good attendance records
    • Observe all organization policies
    • Consider their work more than a job
    • Are interested and enthusiastic
    • Want to learn more
    • Exhibit loyalty to the organization and its employees
    • Give their best efforts consistently and strive to please
    • Show concern for their future career with the organization

From The Successful Interview & Beyond by Lois Pigford. Copyright © 2001 Thomson Delmar Learning, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. All rights reserved.

Food for Thought
Which of the eight personal employability skills do you possess? In which areas do you have room for improvement?